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When a Family Outing Goes Wrong

HAPPIFAMLI

When a Family Outing Goes Wrong

Laura Standefer, Senior Family Outing Correspondent

November 25, 2019

A few months ago, my husband had the day off and we decided to finally visit the botanical gardens near Zilker Park. We grew up in Austin and had visited as children, but we had never been with our kid. We hopped in the minivan and drove downtown, excited about getting out of the suburbs to explore and discover. Everything was going well…for the first thirty minutes. While we were crossing one of the ponds, my four year-old mistook a pile of brush for a stepping stone. In an instant, his entire body was submerged in pond water. My husband instantly reached in and pulled him out. My son was smelly and crying. People were staring. The three of us were too shocked to really decide what to do next. We could have left and called it a day, but we kept going and I’m so glad we did. Here are some tips to help you turn things around when a family outing goes wrong. 

Stay positive. I know, I know. It’s easier said than done. You’re not instantly going to go from frustrated to Mary Poppins by just telling yourself to be positive. But, by intentionally looking for the positive in a frustrating situation, you could gradually improve your mood and influence those around you. When my son fell into the pond, we, of course, had brought no other change of clothes. We ended up having to buy him an outfit at the gift shop. Seeing him excited about picking out a “present” from the shop when we had intentionally not planned on buying him anything cheered all of us up a bit. This encouraged us to keep going on our adventure despite what had happened so far. 

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Get creative.  After my son fell in the pond, we changed his clothes and proceeded with our outing. We live way up north so we were struggling with the idea of just giving up. We were starting to enjoy ourselves again, when the sunshine was slowly starting to disappear behind unprecedented dark clouds. Then, you guessed it, the skies opened and blessed us with a torrential downpour. When does this happen in Austin? (The answer is never). I was ready to call it quits, until I realized that my son was playing in the rain and excited because it was “just like the rainforest.” So we pretended like we were in the rainforest. My husband put on his very best Nigel Thornberry voice and began telling us about every plant and creature we encountered, even though he had no clue what he was talking about. We accepted the fact that we wouldn’t be wearing dry clothes that day and continued on with our wet and wild “rainforest adventure” in central Austin. 

Laugh. Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep yourself from crying. If your outing is just a sequence of unfortunate events after another, why not try to find the humor in it? While wrapping up our day at the botanical gardens, I was walking behind my son and immediately started cracking up. Remember the “present” he was able to get from the gift shop? Well, it was a onesie that was way too small for him. When I looked closely, you could clearly see the outline of his little booty. I pointed it out to my husband, and we just laughed and laughed. Now we look back at our botanical garden adventure and consider it one of the most memorable family outings we’ve ever had. 

How to be Grateful for a Spirited Child

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How to be Grateful for a Spirited Child

HappiFamli, Senior Parenting Correspondent

November 18, 2019

I noticed my child was “spirited” when he was ten days old. We had just gotten home from the hospital a few days prior and spent our days in my bedroom since I was recovering from a c-section. My son just cried and cried until I noticed that he would stop as soon as I left the room. “Could he really be bored at ten days old? Impossible.” I tested this theory over and over again and realized that yes, my newborn was sick and tired of being in my room and was ready to explore the outside world. I look back and realize that this observation makes sense with regards to my son’s personality. He is “spirited,” meaning he speaks his mind, will always fight to get his way, and tries to be the boss (or leader) in every situation. If you have a kid like this, you know that it can be challenging to say the least, but there are many benefits to having a spirited child.

They are more likely to speak up for themselves. I tend to be a push-over (I prefer the term obliger) myself. I was always a follower and I prefer to go with the flow as long as it keeps others happy. There isn’t anything necessarily wrong with this, but there are times where I regret not speaking up for myself or voicing my opinion. However, I don’t think my son will ever have that problem. He has no problem telling his peers and adults what he does or doesn’t like; if another child tries to boss him around, he has no problem telling them to back off. 

They’re more likely to be inquisitive. Okay, hear me out! I know that having a super inquisitive child isn’t easy. Just today, I was trying to enjoy one of our few days of perfect weather by driving around with my windows rolled down, my music turned up…and my child constantly interrupting to ask my obscure questions with no real answers. However, the more they ask, the more they learn. Curiosity really is an excellent trait for children to possess. 

They are more likely to be confident in themselves. Confidence is one thing that I wish I had instilled in me as a child. You can get good grades and stay out of trouble, yet still struggle with personal growth if you lack confidence. I look at my son and he is the polar opposite of me as a child. I love how fearless he his, how he can talk to anyone, and how sure of himself he is.  I never thought that I would say that I look up to my five year-old, but I do.

 

“The more they ask, the more they learn.

They are more likely to be successful. Spirited children tend to be leaders among their peers and eventually, more successful in school and in the workplace. Their persistence and confidence in their abilities may be a power struggle now, but these are admirable traits that are necessary in a career and for healthy growth as they enter adulthood. 

Having a spirited child can be so hard, especially if you’re like me and are a parent with a drastically different personality. However, his determination, curiosity, and passion is so admirable that he’s even inspired me to come out of my shell a bit.  I am constantly being challenged and questioned and there is hardly ever a moment of rest when my son is awake, but that’s just who my son is, who he always will be…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Four Tips for Blended Families During the Holidays

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Four Tips for Blended Families During the Holidays

Katherine Granberry, Guest Blogger

November 11, 2019

As a child psychotherapist and as a child of a large blended family, I am aware of how important it is to thoughtfully plan the holidays when arranging time spent between two parents and often extended family as well. My childhood, from age two onward, involved holiday time with both parents, multiple sets of grandparents, and aunts, uncles, and friends. I was fortunate to have parents and step-parents that arranged holidays in an amicable, seamless way. Years of holiday seasons that could have been unpredictable and chaotic instead evolved into expected traditions. Here are a few tips to help other blended families make the holidays positive and enjoyable for all.

  1. Come up with as much of a plan as possible, and do the planning behind the scenes. As a therapist, I cannot stress enough how important it is to protect children from witnessing any stress and tension between parents. Holiday planning can be very stressful, and that stress can be magnified when trying to determine how to share time with each other and other family and friends. If parents can work out an equitable balance of time, perhaps that alternates each year, then children can know what to expect, and they will feel a sense of balance and structure.

  1. Do not contrast, compare and grill for information about the other parent. Allow children to enjoy the holiday time without having to ‘report back’ on their experiences. Every holiday set up is going to be very different. If one parent heads to fast food instead of cooking, it is important to allow that to be ok. If children come home reporting those type of differences, allow them to vent, but also make sure that they know that you are ok with those differences. Sometimes children report back because they think the other parent needs or wants to hear the information based on past conflicts. It is important to allow them to be freed of that responsibility and to be able to relax and enjoy holiday time no matter what it looks like. 

If parents can work out an equitable balance of time, perhaps that alternates each year, then children can know what to expect, and they will feel a sense of balance and structure.

3. Stick to the plan as much as possible each year. Plans can change, and some people are better at structure than others. If one parent tends to be more spontaneous, make attempts to discuss the value of structure and consistency with that parent (perhaps with the help of a third party). Ideally, that parent will learn the importance of planning and sticking to it for the sake of the children. In the meantime, the more reliable parent can work to set boundaries to protect the children from instability and disappointment. Let the children know the predictable plans and allow the other plans to be more open-ended. For example, do not tell the children the other parent is going to take them ice skating if the other parent often changes plans last minute. Instead, let them know that parent likes to decide things closer to the scheduled time, and that you will help them get ready appropriately when you know the plans.

4. Finally, engage in self-care. The holidays can be exhausting. Make sure to relax and enjoy them too. Self-care may look like sitting by a fire with a book and a cup of tea, or it may mean letting something go like not cooking one night or not going to every party. It is important to find ways to refuel and recharge in order to operate from your best self and to be the parent and co-parent that you want to be. 

Katherine Granberry, MA, LPC

 

Tips for Hiring a New Nanny

HAPPIFAMLI

Tips for Hiring a New Nanny

HappiFamli, Senior Nanny Investigator 

November 4, 2019

Today, parents are struggling to balance their careers while making sure that their children are safe, happy, and being well taken care of. Finding a nanny may be the right choice for your family, but it can be overwhelming to find someone that will fit your family’s specific needs. It’s important to remember that this person will not only become a part of your family’s life, but your family will become a part of theirs. HappiFamli has excellent tips and knowledgeable advice to help the nanny hiring process to go smoothly and to help you find an ideal match. Here is some helpful information from HappiFamli’s “Nanny Know How” ebook.

Before the Interview:

  • Prepare a general list of questions you want to ask each nanny
  • Review the nanny’s application and references well and create a list of questions based off this information
  • Print a copy of the job description you posted 

During the Interview:

  • Know the nanny may be nervous.  Help put them at ease.  
  • Have a general outline of what you want to get from the interview

○ Introductions & tour of your home if you would like
○ Describe the job, your family and your children
○ Definitely go over any special situations (any health concerns/allergies, joint custody, relatives staying at house, parents working from home, etc.)
○ Discuss your general parenting style and family values (moral or religious beliefs, how you discipline, etc)
○ Describe how you see a typical day going and what your expectations of the nanny are

  • Have nanny give some information on themselves & ask your nanny-specific questions
  • Ask your general questions
  • Ask nanny if they have any questions
  • Thank the nanny for their time & let them know what your next steps will be – when can they expect to hear from you, are you still interviewing, will you be doing a trial day, etc.

Tips:

  • Be yourself!!!  This is the time to let the nanny know the real you so you can make sure it is a good fit.
  • Make sure you are listening as much, if not more than, you are talking.  You want to make sure you are getting a good sense of the nannies experience and personality to see if they will be a good fit. 

Sample Questions:

  • What made you choose working with children?
  • Tell me about a child care position that is similar to this one?
  • What type of a job are you looking for right now and what are your plans moving forward (1yr, 3yrs, 5yrs)?
  • What drew you to this specific position?
  • What types of things do you like doing with children my child(ren)s age?
  • How would you handle the situation if my child did ……… (give some examples of things your child might do)
  • What is the best part of working with children?
  • What is the thing you struggle with most in working with children and how do you address that?
  • What role do you see yourself playing in our family?
  • How do you like to communicate with a family?
  • Tell me about a time when you had an issue in a childcare position and how you handled it.
  • What questions do you have about this position or our family?

If you would like to learn more about how to hire a nanny, please see our e-guide at: bit.ly/HappiNanny 

It has additional information including:

Topics Included:

  • Outlining The Types Of In-Home Caregivers
  • Is Hiring A Nanny Right For Your Family?
  • All About Nanny Share
  • Timeline For Nanny
  • A Sample Nanny Job Posting
  • How To Interview Your Nanny
  • Questions For Your Nanny Candidates
  • Questions To Ask Your Nanny’s References
  • Nanny Taxes 
  • Nanny Contract
  • Nanny Training Guide
  • Easing Separation Anxiety
  • Ongoing Nanny Communication
  • Performance Review Template

Helpful Interactive Forms:

  • Medical Consent Form
  • Nanny Emergency Contacts
  • Nanny Daily Log

How to Connect with Other Moms

HAPPIFAMLI

How to Connect with Other Moms

HappiFamli, Senior Mom Friend Correspondent

October 28, 2019

I remember the first few months of being a stay-at-home parent. It was just me and my baby boy, all day. If the weather was nice, I would push him up and down the street in his stroller. We’d go back inside and nurse. When he was about six months old, we would go around the house and I’d let him flip the light switches on and off. This was the most exciting part of our day. All this being said, the baby and toddler stages can be incredibly boring. It wasn’t until I found my neighborhood mom’s group that I felt like I was alive again. If you’re looking for a way to connect with other moms, here are a few useful resources that can help.

MOMS Club International: Without this organization, I don’t know if I would have survived that first year of motherhood. MOMS Club allows you to find age-appropriate playdates, events, and even MOMS Night Out shenanigans with other mothers your area.  With chapters all across the world, you can use the MOMS Club International website to help you find the closest one to you.  

Peanut App: If there’s Tinder and Bumble for friends and dates, there has to be an app for mom friends right? Right. The Peanut app works in a similar way, where you upload your picture and other information and then look through other profiles to find mom friends that fit you. When your matched up with another mom, you can connect via chat in order to plan play dates and get-togethers. Take advantage of modern solutions like Peanut app to help you navigate through the hardest years of motherhood!  

Facebook: It may seem silly to post a personal ad on Facebook looking for mom friends but that’s how I found my best friend! Five years ago, she posted on our neighborhood Facebook saying that she was a stay-at-home mom with a five month-old and she was looking for friends in a similar situation. I was, in fact, in that exact situation with my five month-old. We met at the neighborhood park and we’ve been best friends ever since. Therefore, if you are tempted to post or reply to a personal ad for mom friends, go for it! Just make sure that you first meet at a safe place. 

Meetup.com: Yes, another website, but it’s 2019! It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for mom friends or an underwater basket weaving club, Meetup.com has a group for you. You can narrow your search down by your location or specific preferences (ex: moms of toddlers). Plus, joining is free and super easy. 

MOPS: MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) is another worldwide organization that provides gathering opportunities with other mothers at a location near you. Even if your kids are no longer preschoolers, they now offer MOMSnext groups for mothers of school age kids. Go to their website in order to find your closest MOPS group!

 

 

 

HappiFamli Staff’s Best and Worst Parenting Advice

HAPPIFAMLI

HappiFamli Staff’s Best and Worst Parenting Advice

Laura Standefer, Senior Parenting Correspondent

October 21, 2019

As soon as you share the news that you’re becoming a parent, expect to get advice from literally everyone. I learned this as soon as I started showing with my first and randomly started being interrogated and lectured by a random woman at H-E-B.

Most of the time, people are just excited and trying to make conversation. They want to just talk about themselves and relate to you by sharing their own experiences. However, you’ll come to find that all advice isn’t good advice because every child, family, and situation is different. Recently, I sat down with HappiFamli’s staff to discuss the best and worst parenting advice they’ve received. Here’s what they had to say.

Worst Parenting Advice:

    • “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”  Have you ever laid down and told yourself, “I need to fall asleep right this second in order to get some rest.” How well does that work? Trying to sleep whenever the baby sleeps is just like that. It’s too stressful and sometimes there’s simply just too much to do. 
    • Advice regarding sleep training. Some people will tell you to let the baby cry it out and some will tell you to never let the baby cry ever. But at the end of the day, YOU are the one that knows what your baby needs the most. 
    • Anything from your mother or MIL that begins with “Well back in my day….” It’s hard for our mothers and mother-in-laws to accept that times have changed. We have more information on how to feed, transport, and nurture our babies. They may have experience and they always mean well, but it doesn’t mean that you need to take all of their advice.

“…At the end of the day, YOU are the one that knows what your baby needs the most.

Best Parenting Advice:

    • Pick your battles. If everything is a big deal, then nothing is a big deal when you need it to be
    • Taking care of a baby is HARD, so give yourself some grace and forgiveness.  Do your best but don’t beat yourself up when things aren’t perfect.
    • Laugh.  It’s a simple and amazing tool for when you have grumpy kids or want to make a memory even more memorable.
    • Trust your instincts. Listen to yourself, not everybody else.
    • Start as you mean to go on.  Be consistent right from the beginning
    • As parents, be on the same page. Try not to contradict each other in front of the kids. 
    • This too shall pass.  It seems like sometimes kids will never get out of a certain phase.  But I promise they won’t use a pacifier or only eat chicken nuggets, or never sleep through the night when they’re 16.